By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This baby is an asshole
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
