apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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