he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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