You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
