don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
