y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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