I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
