i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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