That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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