why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
