I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
