Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
