so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
