she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
