420 ftw
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
