I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
