i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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