I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
