you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
