I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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