I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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