Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
