Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
