Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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