Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Someone shit on the floor
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
