Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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