you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
