You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
