she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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