shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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