I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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