I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
