The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
