So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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