just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
