oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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