Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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