Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
