Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
