I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
