Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
