yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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