i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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