he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
