I got chris browned last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
