You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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