I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
