i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
