And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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