Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
