So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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