he shaved USA in his pubs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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