My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
