i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
