I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
