dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
