I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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