if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
