before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
