pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
