it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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