I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well I just put wine in my tea
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
