I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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