i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
