I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
