After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
