dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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