Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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