my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
