I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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