my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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