i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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