i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
