i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
