Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
