Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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