My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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