I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
