Sponge bath it is.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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