First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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