I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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