No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
