Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
