i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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