i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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