I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
