i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
