lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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