I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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