and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
