I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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