So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
