Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
