I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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