We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you still have your period?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
